Explain the cultural Difference in Sri Lanka and My Journey in Adapting Imago Therapy for Sri Lankan Muslims

Growing up in Sri Lanka, I have always been surrounded by the warmth of family, the strength of community, and the deep-rooted values of our culture. As a Sri Lankan Muslim, I have seen firsthand how relationships are shaped by tradition, faith, and societal expectations. Marriage, in our community, is not just a union between two individuals; it is a sacred commitment that binds families together.
Yet, despite the beauty of our traditions, I have also witnessed the struggles that many couples face struggles that often remain hidden behind closed doors. When conflicts arise, many turns to elders, religious leaders, or even silence, rather than seeking professional help. Therapy, for many, still carries a stigma, perceived as something foreign or unnecessary. But through my journey of understanding relationships and the power of healing, I have come to believe that therapy when adapted to our culture can be a transformative tool for love and connection.
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Why Imago Therapy?
When I first came across Imago Therapy, I was fascinated by its simplicity and depth. The idea that many of our relationship struggles stem from unconscious childhood wounds made so much sense. How often had I seen people react not just to their spouse’s words but to deeper, unresolved emotions? The Imago approach, with its emphasis on deep listening, empathy, and conscious communication, seemed like something that could truly help couples reconnect.
But I also knew that for it to work in our community, it had to be culturally adjusted. Simply bringing a Western therapy model into a Sri Lankan Muslim household without understanding its unique dynamics, values, and sensitivities would not be effective. So, I asked myself: How can I make this healing process resonate with our people?
Bringing Faith into the Process
For many of us, faith is the foundation of our lives. It influences how we see marriage, love, and even conflict. In Islam, marriage is not just about companionship; it is an act of worship, a test, and a means to grow closer to God. This understanding can be a powerful tool in therapy.
When I work with couples, I don’t just talk about Imago Dialogue as a psychological technique. Instead, I frame it in a way that feels natural and meaningful: “The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught us to speak with kindness, to listen with patience, and to seek understanding rather than blame. When we practice deep listening in our marriage, we are following the Sunnah.”
By anchoring therapy in Islamic principles compassion, patience, forgiveness I have found that people become more open to it. When couples realize that healing their relationship is not just an emotional journey but a spiritual one, they begin to embrace the process.
Understanding the Role of Family and Society in Sri Lanka
One of the biggest differences between Western and Sri Lankan Muslim relationships is the role of family and community. In many Western cultures, couples are encouraged to focus on their own needs first. But in our culture, decisions are rarely made in isolation. Parents, in-laws, and even extended relatives play a major role in a couple’s life.
I have seen many couples struggle because of external pressures expectations from in-laws, comparisons with other families, or the fear of disappointing their parents. In such cases, therapy cannot simply focus on the couple as an isolated unit. Instead, I try to help them navigate these relationships with understanding, rather than resentment.
For example, instead of telling a woman, “You need to set boundaries with your in-laws,” I might say, “How can we communicate your needs in a way that maintains respect and harmony within the family?” The goal is not to create separation but to find balance where a couple can strengthen their bond while still honoring the relationships that matter to them.
Redefining Masculinity and Emotional Expression
One of the most challenging yet rewarding aspects of adapting therapy is addressing how men and women express emotions differently in our culture. Many Sri Lankan Muslim men have been raised with the belief that being strong means not showing emotions. Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, making it difficult for men to express their pain, fears, or even love.
I remember working with a couple where the wife felt unheard and emotionally disconnected. She wanted her husband to talk more, express his feelings, and be emotionally available. But when I asked the husband about his love for his wife, he said, “Of course, I love her. I work hard every day to provide for her. Why else would I do that?”
It was a powerful moment. His love was there—it was just expressed in a different language. Instead of expecting him to suddenly start speaking in emotional terms, I helped the wife recognize the ways he already showed love—through actions, responsibilities, and unspoken care. At the same time, I gently guided the husband toward small, culturally comfortable ways to express emotions, like writing notes, small gestures, or even simple affirmations.
Breaking the Stigma of Therapy
Despite all these adjustments, one of the hardest barriers to break is the stigma around seeking help. Many people still see therapy as something for “broken” couples or a last resort before divorce. I often hear things like, “We don’t need therapy. We should be able to fix our problems ourselves.”
To change this mindset, I believe we need to normalize therapy as a proactive tool for building stronger marriages not just for solving problems. Just like we go to the doctor for regular check-ups, why shouldn’t we take care of our relationships in the same way?
I have started seeing more couples come to therapy not because they are on the verge of separation, but because they want to deepen their connection. This shift is heartening. When people see therapy as an investment in their love rather than a sign of failure, they approach it with a more open heart.
Final Thoughts: A Bridge Between Tradition and Healing
As I continue this journey of adapting therapy for my community, I realize that culture and healing do not have to be at odds. By blending Imago Therapy with the values, faith, and traditions of Sri Lankan Muslims, we can create a bridge between psychological insight and spiritual wisdom.
At its core, therapy is about understanding, love, and connection values that exist in every culture. The key is to present it in a way that feels natural, respectful, and meaningful.
I dream of a day when seeking therapy will no longer be seen as a sign of weakness, but as an act of strength a commitment to growth, love, and faith. And step by step, conversation by conversation, I believe we are getting closer to that reality.
– written by Shamla Hameed –